


Everything a Goddamn Ordeal In The Tomaz Family

by lovevalley45



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Crack, Gen, a comedic take on the first scene kuasa tries to kill zari from 3x03, i guess, spoilers for the s4 finale ig, this could be serious but also not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-23
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2020-03-09 22:24:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18926215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovevalley45/pseuds/lovevalley45
Summary: You know that mood when you nearly get murdered grabbing your sister ice cream? Behrad sure does.





	Everything a Goddamn Ordeal In The Tomaz Family

**Author's Note:**

> this might have been serious. this could have been serious. but then it became this. enjoy

It should not be this much of a hassle to go out and grab late night groceries.

But as Behrad runs up the stairs with one hand grasping his bag of ice cream and Pringles and the other against his amulet, he thinks that it’s too late to worry about that.

Some - water witch or something is chasing him up the stairs. He pushes a dude in a suit out of the way, which is something that he usually wouldn’t do (his mom always taught him to be polite and he’s taken it to heart) but he’s trying to die here.

Behrad had noticed her in the grocery store and she’d the decency to wait until he’d checked out to attempt murder. At least that gave him the chance to run the block to his building. Now he’s here, as she’s still trying to kill him on the stairs.

He wishes that he had some kind of actual self-defense training and not just how to use the family amulet, since this woman seems to have something against him. He’s never seen her in his life but he’s gotta admit, she’s not too bad looking- Until she’s trying to shoot water at him. Not that dangerous but he’s also falling down these stairs today. 

He reaches the 6th floor and usually he wouldn’t climb the stairs, out of breath (how ironic) but being in the elevator with a mysterious assassin isn’t quite his style.

He gets to his apartment and opens the door, before she can reach him. Behrad lets out a sigh and slids against the door, groceries in hand. 

“Are you, like, okay?” his sister asks from the couch. She doesn’t look up from her laptop, probably busy editing. She’s always busy editing.

“Someone tried to kill me,” he says, panting. He gets up, legs shaking. “I got your favorite. Ben and Jerry’s.”

Unsurprisingly, that’s what gets her to close her laptop and get up to have some of that nice B&J. “Thanks, bro.”

“Was it worth me almost dying, though?” Behrad asks, leaning on the counter.

“I mean, I’d die for Ben and Jerry’s so-” She snatches a spoon from the silverware drawer. 

He smiles, thinking that it’ll just be a funny story. Hey, sis, remember when I nearly got merked getting you ice cream? Good times. 

Until he notices the puddle of water seeping through the door and he barely has time to react before the water witch is standing in front of him again. So much for funny stories

“What did I do?” Behrad says. Those are terrible last words, he thinks. But he can’t come up with a witty remark before the water witch is coming towards him, backing him into the corner of their tiny kitchen, and-

A spoon hits the water witch right in the back of the head. Zari is as still as a statue as they both turn to look at her, giving off the impression that she did not intend to throw a spoon into an assassin’s skull, but it’s too late to take it back. The water witch seems as confused as she does, but she doesn’t move to attack Z.

It gives Behrad enough time to use his amulet to catch her off guard, and she goes flying back into the hall. “Call the police,” he tells his sister. 

But it’s too late, as she melts back into a puddle and slips out again.

“Next time, Z, you go and get your own ice cream.”

“Fair enough.”

**Author's Note:**

> don't even ask. just don't.


End file.
